Written April 27th, 2009

Leaving London broke my heart. Alright, I'll back it up. I got to Maidstone and met Nick at the train station, we waited for the bus to Almsted(?) where we dropped off my stuff and walked to the local pub and he bought me dinner and we laughed about the spotted dick dessert. I went to work with Nick everyday and learned a lot about the differences between people and customs here as opposed to home. The first night for sinner we decided to just pick some random directions and just see where we ended up. That failed so we went to a mexican place called Mexxa Mexxa. Friday we went to the pub again for dinner and I got some ham, it was yummy=) We went back to the pub and watched Big Momma 2 and the insiders. Sat. I found out that I was coming home on Monday and I was super devastated. Its all i could think about. I got really sad and went into some mode where I wanted to remember every detail of everything around me. Nick and I decided to make it a big night. We got chinese and I tried duck and we explored the town a bit. We stayed up way late talking and watching tv while making pot noodles. We woke up the next morning and got smoothies, I kept falling asleep on the floor. We had cornish pasties for lunch which was interesting. We were both so tired and we caught a train at 6:30 to go to london. We got in around 8 and Nick had to go to work so I showered and got us beds at clink. I called Pawel but he was in Stratford. I fell asleep for quite a while anyway. When Nick got back we got friend chicken at 1 in the morning and watched some AFL(?) and I wrote a letter. I could not sleep last night at all. This morning we both had to wake up early because Nick had to go back to Maidstone for work. We had toast and I was too impatient to let my tea cool. I bought so much candy that we dont have at home. I was planning..quite a while ago..to write a list on the way home of ways I could have improved this walkabout but really I wouldnt change a thing-except staying longer,but I should have saved up better.

Written April 18th, 2009

Yesterday we went to Amsterdam for a day trip. It seemed to be exactly the motivation i needed to take more pictures. We walked around a lot and sat a lot. It was really nice and peaceful. I met a bartender at a cafe who was super nice and translated a whole dutch newspaper article for me word by word. He also gave me an apple juice on the house. Frank and I walked through a market but we were walking so fast. I also had the best McDonals carmel sundae of my life. Frank made me buy the giant super expensive pizza for dinner on the train but I guess thats alright since he bought most of my drinks. We got back around 11, walked home, and went straight to bed.
The next day we woke up and drove straight to Dordrecht, the town where my uncle grew up. That car ride took tolerance,they all did. At least that time we listened to the radio. We first went to the tennis club where he used to be a member. Man was that awkward for me. There were a bunch of tournaments going on and everyone was wearing their collard shirts and pleated skirts and I'm wearing a t-shirt and a super long skirt. I felt so out of place the whole time. Plus my uncles phone started to ring real loud while he was up getting tea for us during a match and everyone was looking at me to turn it off. He kept callinghis family during the matches too which I thought was a bit rude. His sister said we could come visit so we went over htere and I instantly liked her and her husband. They were so sweet and friendly. They had such a nice house too! We talked outside and had some delish spring rolls and amazing homemade vegetable soup. I even showed them my house on google earth. Then we left to walk around the city which was mostly a harbor. Later we ended up at a pub and sat outside in the sun and talked to Frank's old frineds. This guy from London who had been living in Holland for 30 years came and sat at our table. It was nice to talk to someone who first language is english. He helped me figure out my trains to Maidstone. He has travelled all over the World and knows India so well. We talked about India alot since I would really liek to go there. He gave me his contact information and we discussed drug policy. We ate at the pub and everyone laughed because I ordered a kids meal. I feel like it might be more normal for me to do that in the states? Then we had the hr long drive home but Frank drives so slow EVERYONE was passing us. The next morning we could kind of sleep in since we were going to a party at the community center that didnt start until one, although we got there an hr early. It was SO hot in the sun, which iw asnt expecting and I got tannish/burnt. Nobody talked to me at the party after introducing themselves. I think it would definitely be different back home. I was so hot and bored. Eventually we left after seeing the bird house and Frank's friend took us into town. We looked for headphones for my phone but that failed. We got bitterballen and I got a tosti and then we went to Le Pompe, aka the coolest pub in town. We sat for ahwile and then Dennis and Noa showed up with their guitars. They played just for us and it was lovely=) They said I really have talent and that they wouyld pay money for some of my pictures=) It was just the encouragement I needed. I was glowing. Its so hard to believe in yourself but so mucvh easier when others beleive in you. (ah, I keep getting the train ticket guy mad because I subconciously put my feet up on the seet in front of me-woops!)We walked home a bit late and fell asleep real fast, the sun seemed to suck all the energy out of me. We woke up yesterday morning and drove back to Dordrecht. We met up with his sister at her house again because we were supposed to go together to Kinderdijk where all the windmills are. Well, Frank couldnt figure out anything else to do so he came with us too and kept talking in the backseat. We drove around the breathetaking dutch countryside for awhile and went to a breeding spot for storks, where they make their nests. It was odd to see such big nests on the roof. We had some ice cream, drove through the countryside some more, and arrived at the windmills. I thought it was so silly how popular they were, but they were still neat to see. We went on a hf hr boat ride and I got some sweet shots. Afterwords I tried a Fristi, a yogurt drink that usually only kids get-it was super yummy! We drove back to Sanda's house and I had some FANTASTIC dutch cheese. We sat in the sun for a while until Wil got home from work. Then he searched my train stuff for me and we ordered some dlicious chinese food. Their soy sauce is really indonesian! Weird. They showed me beautiful albums of their Australian vacations and we talked about the Peace Corp(they had never heard of it). Frank and I drove back home and listened to a "hippy" cd on repeat. We went home and I put all my pictures on his computer and went to bed. I woke up today at 7:20. Im pretty good at waking up early to pack when I have a train to catch. He drove me to the train station and we said our goodbyes. Goes>Roosendal>Antwerp>Lille>London>Maidstone. Im excited to go visit Nick. I like being with people my own age, especially ones that speak English so I can talk really fast! I bought a bunch of Belgian waffles and some classy belgian chocolate. I also bought my last warm belgian waffle and got it with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. It was so sweet it made my tummy hurt! I super duper hope I dont have to pay extra to go to London. The kid next to me is taking ten million pictures out the window. It reminds me of Chelsea alittle. I wish my half dreads didnt look so dumb. Id like to think Im getting pretty good at this train thing.
Goodness the passport lady interrogated the shit out of me. Where was your passport stolen? How are you paying for this trip? How do I know Nick? What do my parents do? Belgian chocolate really is amazing. These 2 fancy boys in their 20's are talking about the book Blink in front of me. I need to re-read that. Im sick of trains today. Id kill for some Motorola headphones. Why do I get the dumb seat between windows? Oh man, I forgot about British plugs. Ugh, Im still grumpy i missed my first train, Id be there by now! There is such a loud family on this train.

Written April 17th, 2009

I dont know what else to do on this train ride besides write. I am still dying without music and some girl was playing her music just loud enough to tease me. Im considering starting my own hostel. I think that would be really interesting and I could combine all the good aspects of all the hostels Ive been to and make the best hostel in the world. The 2 best hostels were london's and Scotland's. Maybe the UK just has the best hostels. To be honest I dont think this trip was really about photography for me. Ive learned so much more about myself, people, and cultures besides my own. ..later.. I guess I took the rediculously long way on the train. Woops. Franks friend came with him to pick me up then we got chinese food. We decided that we're going to Amsterdam. I love dutch people and their outlooks on everything. I met a boy and a girl today and they were both super nice. I also met this older guy who used to work in a coffeeshop. We got along really well. He was so chill and the silences between us were really comfortable. I feel like were were old souls that knew each other in another lifetime. We talked about Alaska. He wants to come to the states so bad, i wish I could make that happen. I met a backpacker that kept rambling off some amazing quotes, too bad I didnt have a notebook. I liked pretty much everyone I met tonight. I feel like I want to be comfortable enough to admit my weaknesses to my parents but my mom has already shown instead of encouragement she thinks I should go stay with my relatives in Germany and/or go home like..now. I feel it wouldbe ignorant of me to think things will be much different when I get home.

Written April 16th, 2009

Hmm, I feel like something was supposed to be happening today. I could lie and say I did a bunch of stuff today but the truth is its 2:30 and I havent done much. It has been incredibly stormy though so It would be a bit difficult to do much, especially since the trams are so rediculous. I woke up, showered, and went down to get some free breakfast. I went out to buy some grocerys and talked to a guy in a Nat Geo hoodie. Chels and I had a discussion on the phone today about how all this travelling is kinda just wearing us out and making us lazy and how were looking forward to the familiarity of home. Goodness it seems so far away. Im looking forward to the familiarity of London as well. That city makes me feel so good. Im dying for music. Even if I bought an ipod I wouldnt have music on it. I think the food is cheaper here than in the states. It will be nice to have my own room at Frank's.
I met this boy in Scotland named Alex. He was nice but he did'nt really talk to anyone and kept to himself. He switched his sleep schedule around so that he was nocturnal and watched TV all night. One of the people that had been there the longest told me that he had been there for months and that he was going home soon so he just didnt care too much for anything. I dont feel entirely like Alex but I can relate. Im a bit worn out. Especially since I started planning on coming home early. I would really just like to be in London. I also dont think this trip has really completely hit me yet, which I know sounds crazy. I know it'll hit me once I get home but I feel like that's too latr. How do we purposely get things to "hit us"? If thees a way I need to figure it out. Dutch is such a crazy language. The 2 dutch girls in my room wont shut up. Oh man, they are so loud. I want to learn another language and pretend that I can only speak english to see what people say about me. Im alittle nervous to go to Franks, especially with this money situation. You live and you learn. I want to keep writing but I dont know what to say. I cant fall asleep with them talking though. Hello Benadryl. I just want to sleep..

Written April 15th, 2009

So there's someone in my room now. Shes nice, she gave me mentos, she just has the worst language barrier with me that I've had to deal with on this trip. Today I woke up and went to the supermarket for a cheap breakfast(I love eating breakfast on the side of streets, just people watching). Then I ended up shopping a little while exploring the city. I thought I was being good with money since I only looked at things under 20 euros and alot of the stuff I was about to buy I told myself I would come back. My card ended up getting declined just about the time I started getting super lonely. I walked outside and it started storming like crazy and I was just wearing a tank top-brrr! I was super far from the hostel and decided to take a tram and got lost for a bit. I was so down and miserable. I realized just how much money I've been spending on food since staying with my relatives-what a crazy withdrawl! I walked back to my hostel eventually and cunted my change and figured out my money situation. Maybe I'll get usedto eating less. Im so grumpy about my computer. I need to spark my photography motivation NOW!

Written April 14th, 2009

I miss music alot. It was like the one break from me constantly talking to myself in my head. I know it sounds dumb but when you're really really alone it happens. Im in Antwerp Belgium now. They had cheaper hostels than Brussels. It's nice here. Im the only one in this 4 person room, I love it! It scares me at night being alone here. I already got hit on twice walking back to the hostel. I got quite lost today and ended up way off the map. I had the best vanilla ice cream in the world! I also went shopping a bit, I didn't bring much summer-y clothes. I miss Chels but I know she misses Iceland like I'm missing London right now. There was a train to London at the station today and I almost gave into temptation. Then I would be with my frineds in a city that makes me feel on top of the world right now! I think I'm getting better at motivating myself which is definitely good. I dont know about waking up tomorrow though, im exhausted!

Written April 13th 2009

My computer is still broken. It's funny that everything is closed here because it's monday. This morning we saw this kid at the metro station that we saw yesterday so we decided to take him out to brunch with us. The language barrier was rediculous. It took us the whole meal just to figure out his name and age. He kept winking at himself in the mirror across the room. Then we went and bought some groceries to cook out friends. We ended up falling asleep for quite a while, I didnt realize I was so tired! We woke up at 10 to cook some dinner but nobody else had any. I booked a hostel in Belgium though. During my nap I had a dream that my parents came to visit me and surprised me. At first I was excited but then they started taking control of everything and said that they were staying with me for 6 days, which is really alot. It really made me think about going home. My parents wanted me to cut some time off my trip, prefferably 3 weeks, but we comprimised with 2 weeks. Just this change in plans has me thinking about how different things are going to be and what I am and am not looking forward to. . I am looking forward to seeing my family and telling them stories. I am definitely looking forward to seeing Tyler. I am looking forward to Taco Bell and all the small things I miss about home. Im looking forward to graduation and the beginning of a new stage of my life. Im looking forward to the summer and all the good times I will have. Im looking forward to making my own money-hopefully doing something I love. I hope that when I go home things are different with my parents. I hope they realize the full extent of the situations this trip has brought up and respect how far I've come and what I've accomplished on my own. I hope my freedom does not fade or disapear. I couldn't handle that. I'm in love with the way I feel on this trip. I realize that I will be under their roof again but I should still be able to respect them while doing what I want. Life is about balance. oh man, I can't wait for London!