Written April 27th, 2009

Leaving London broke my heart. Alright, I'll back it up. I got to Maidstone and met Nick at the train station, we waited for the bus to Almsted(?) where we dropped off my stuff and walked to the local pub and he bought me dinner and we laughed about the spotted dick dessert. I went to work with Nick everyday and learned a lot about the differences between people and customs here as opposed to home. The first night for sinner we decided to just pick some random directions and just see where we ended up. That failed so we went to a mexican place called Mexxa Mexxa. Friday we went to the pub again for dinner and I got some ham, it was yummy=) We went back to the pub and watched Big Momma 2 and the insiders. Sat. I found out that I was coming home on Monday and I was super devastated. Its all i could think about. I got really sad and went into some mode where I wanted to remember every detail of everything around me. Nick and I decided to make it a big night. We got chinese and I tried duck and we explored the town a bit. We stayed up way late talking and watching tv while making pot noodles. We woke up the next morning and got smoothies, I kept falling asleep on the floor. We had cornish pasties for lunch which was interesting. We were both so tired and we caught a train at 6:30 to go to london. We got in around 8 and Nick had to go to work so I showered and got us beds at clink. I called Pawel but he was in Stratford. I fell asleep for quite a while anyway. When Nick got back we got friend chicken at 1 in the morning and watched some AFL(?) and I wrote a letter. I could not sleep last night at all. This morning we both had to wake up early because Nick had to go back to Maidstone for work. We had toast and I was too impatient to let my tea cool. I bought so much candy that we dont have at home. I was planning..quite a while ago..to write a list on the way home of ways I could have improved this walkabout but really I wouldnt change a thing-except staying longer,but I should have saved up better.

Written April 18th, 2009

Yesterday we went to Amsterdam for a day trip. It seemed to be exactly the motivation i needed to take more pictures. We walked around a lot and sat a lot. It was really nice and peaceful. I met a bartender at a cafe who was super nice and translated a whole dutch newspaper article for me word by word. He also gave me an apple juice on the house. Frank and I walked through a market but we were walking so fast. I also had the best McDonals carmel sundae of my life. Frank made me buy the giant super expensive pizza for dinner on the train but I guess thats alright since he bought most of my drinks. We got back around 11, walked home, and went straight to bed.
The next day we woke up and drove straight to Dordrecht, the town where my uncle grew up. That car ride took tolerance,they all did. At least that time we listened to the radio. We first went to the tennis club where he used to be a member. Man was that awkward for me. There were a bunch of tournaments going on and everyone was wearing their collard shirts and pleated skirts and I'm wearing a t-shirt and a super long skirt. I felt so out of place the whole time. Plus my uncles phone started to ring real loud while he was up getting tea for us during a match and everyone was looking at me to turn it off. He kept callinghis family during the matches too which I thought was a bit rude. His sister said we could come visit so we went over htere and I instantly liked her and her husband. They were so sweet and friendly. They had such a nice house too! We talked outside and had some delish spring rolls and amazing homemade vegetable soup. I even showed them my house on google earth. Then we left to walk around the city which was mostly a harbor. Later we ended up at a pub and sat outside in the sun and talked to Frank's old frineds. This guy from London who had been living in Holland for 30 years came and sat at our table. It was nice to talk to someone who first language is english. He helped me figure out my trains to Maidstone. He has travelled all over the World and knows India so well. We talked about India alot since I would really liek to go there. He gave me his contact information and we discussed drug policy. We ate at the pub and everyone laughed because I ordered a kids meal. I feel like it might be more normal for me to do that in the states? Then we had the hr long drive home but Frank drives so slow EVERYONE was passing us. The next morning we could kind of sleep in since we were going to a party at the community center that didnt start until one, although we got there an hr early. It was SO hot in the sun, which iw asnt expecting and I got tannish/burnt. Nobody talked to me at the party after introducing themselves. I think it would definitely be different back home. I was so hot and bored. Eventually we left after seeing the bird house and Frank's friend took us into town. We looked for headphones for my phone but that failed. We got bitterballen and I got a tosti and then we went to Le Pompe, aka the coolest pub in town. We sat for ahwile and then Dennis and Noa showed up with their guitars. They played just for us and it was lovely=) They said I really have talent and that they wouyld pay money for some of my pictures=) It was just the encouragement I needed. I was glowing. Its so hard to believe in yourself but so mucvh easier when others beleive in you. (ah, I keep getting the train ticket guy mad because I subconciously put my feet up on the seet in front of me-woops!)We walked home a bit late and fell asleep real fast, the sun seemed to suck all the energy out of me. We woke up yesterday morning and drove back to Dordrecht. We met up with his sister at her house again because we were supposed to go together to Kinderdijk where all the windmills are. Well, Frank couldnt figure out anything else to do so he came with us too and kept talking in the backseat. We drove around the breathetaking dutch countryside for awhile and went to a breeding spot for storks, where they make their nests. It was odd to see such big nests on the roof. We had some ice cream, drove through the countryside some more, and arrived at the windmills. I thought it was so silly how popular they were, but they were still neat to see. We went on a hf hr boat ride and I got some sweet shots. Afterwords I tried a Fristi, a yogurt drink that usually only kids get-it was super yummy! We drove back to Sanda's house and I had some FANTASTIC dutch cheese. We sat in the sun for a while until Wil got home from work. Then he searched my train stuff for me and we ordered some dlicious chinese food. Their soy sauce is really indonesian! Weird. They showed me beautiful albums of their Australian vacations and we talked about the Peace Corp(they had never heard of it). Frank and I drove back home and listened to a "hippy" cd on repeat. We went home and I put all my pictures on his computer and went to bed. I woke up today at 7:20. Im pretty good at waking up early to pack when I have a train to catch. He drove me to the train station and we said our goodbyes. Goes>Roosendal>Antwerp>Lille>London>Maidstone. Im excited to go visit Nick. I like being with people my own age, especially ones that speak English so I can talk really fast! I bought a bunch of Belgian waffles and some classy belgian chocolate. I also bought my last warm belgian waffle and got it with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. It was so sweet it made my tummy hurt! I super duper hope I dont have to pay extra to go to London. The kid next to me is taking ten million pictures out the window. It reminds me of Chelsea alittle. I wish my half dreads didnt look so dumb. Id like to think Im getting pretty good at this train thing.
Goodness the passport lady interrogated the shit out of me. Where was your passport stolen? How are you paying for this trip? How do I know Nick? What do my parents do? Belgian chocolate really is amazing. These 2 fancy boys in their 20's are talking about the book Blink in front of me. I need to re-read that. Im sick of trains today. Id kill for some Motorola headphones. Why do I get the dumb seat between windows? Oh man, I forgot about British plugs. Ugh, Im still grumpy i missed my first train, Id be there by now! There is such a loud family on this train.

Written April 17th, 2009

I dont know what else to do on this train ride besides write. I am still dying without music and some girl was playing her music just loud enough to tease me. Im considering starting my own hostel. I think that would be really interesting and I could combine all the good aspects of all the hostels Ive been to and make the best hostel in the world. The 2 best hostels were london's and Scotland's. Maybe the UK just has the best hostels. To be honest I dont think this trip was really about photography for me. Ive learned so much more about myself, people, and cultures besides my own. ..later.. I guess I took the rediculously long way on the train. Woops. Franks friend came with him to pick me up then we got chinese food. We decided that we're going to Amsterdam. I love dutch people and their outlooks on everything. I met a boy and a girl today and they were both super nice. I also met this older guy who used to work in a coffeeshop. We got along really well. He was so chill and the silences between us were really comfortable. I feel like were were old souls that knew each other in another lifetime. We talked about Alaska. He wants to come to the states so bad, i wish I could make that happen. I met a backpacker that kept rambling off some amazing quotes, too bad I didnt have a notebook. I liked pretty much everyone I met tonight. I feel like I want to be comfortable enough to admit my weaknesses to my parents but my mom has already shown instead of encouragement she thinks I should go stay with my relatives in Germany and/or go home like..now. I feel it wouldbe ignorant of me to think things will be much different when I get home.

Written April 16th, 2009

Hmm, I feel like something was supposed to be happening today. I could lie and say I did a bunch of stuff today but the truth is its 2:30 and I havent done much. It has been incredibly stormy though so It would be a bit difficult to do much, especially since the trams are so rediculous. I woke up, showered, and went down to get some free breakfast. I went out to buy some grocerys and talked to a guy in a Nat Geo hoodie. Chels and I had a discussion on the phone today about how all this travelling is kinda just wearing us out and making us lazy and how were looking forward to the familiarity of home. Goodness it seems so far away. Im looking forward to the familiarity of London as well. That city makes me feel so good. Im dying for music. Even if I bought an ipod I wouldnt have music on it. I think the food is cheaper here than in the states. It will be nice to have my own room at Frank's.
I met this boy in Scotland named Alex. He was nice but he did'nt really talk to anyone and kept to himself. He switched his sleep schedule around so that he was nocturnal and watched TV all night. One of the people that had been there the longest told me that he had been there for months and that he was going home soon so he just didnt care too much for anything. I dont feel entirely like Alex but I can relate. Im a bit worn out. Especially since I started planning on coming home early. I would really just like to be in London. I also dont think this trip has really completely hit me yet, which I know sounds crazy. I know it'll hit me once I get home but I feel like that's too latr. How do we purposely get things to "hit us"? If thees a way I need to figure it out. Dutch is such a crazy language. The 2 dutch girls in my room wont shut up. Oh man, they are so loud. I want to learn another language and pretend that I can only speak english to see what people say about me. Im alittle nervous to go to Franks, especially with this money situation. You live and you learn. I want to keep writing but I dont know what to say. I cant fall asleep with them talking though. Hello Benadryl. I just want to sleep..

Written April 15th, 2009

So there's someone in my room now. Shes nice, she gave me mentos, she just has the worst language barrier with me that I've had to deal with on this trip. Today I woke up and went to the supermarket for a cheap breakfast(I love eating breakfast on the side of streets, just people watching). Then I ended up shopping a little while exploring the city. I thought I was being good with money since I only looked at things under 20 euros and alot of the stuff I was about to buy I told myself I would come back. My card ended up getting declined just about the time I started getting super lonely. I walked outside and it started storming like crazy and I was just wearing a tank top-brrr! I was super far from the hostel and decided to take a tram and got lost for a bit. I was so down and miserable. I realized just how much money I've been spending on food since staying with my relatives-what a crazy withdrawl! I walked back to my hostel eventually and cunted my change and figured out my money situation. Maybe I'll get usedto eating less. Im so grumpy about my computer. I need to spark my photography motivation NOW!

Written April 14th, 2009

I miss music alot. It was like the one break from me constantly talking to myself in my head. I know it sounds dumb but when you're really really alone it happens. Im in Antwerp Belgium now. They had cheaper hostels than Brussels. It's nice here. Im the only one in this 4 person room, I love it! It scares me at night being alone here. I already got hit on twice walking back to the hostel. I got quite lost today and ended up way off the map. I had the best vanilla ice cream in the world! I also went shopping a bit, I didn't bring much summer-y clothes. I miss Chels but I know she misses Iceland like I'm missing London right now. There was a train to London at the station today and I almost gave into temptation. Then I would be with my frineds in a city that makes me feel on top of the world right now! I think I'm getting better at motivating myself which is definitely good. I dont know about waking up tomorrow though, im exhausted!

Written April 13th 2009

My computer is still broken. It's funny that everything is closed here because it's monday. This morning we saw this kid at the metro station that we saw yesterday so we decided to take him out to brunch with us. The language barrier was rediculous. It took us the whole meal just to figure out his name and age. He kept winking at himself in the mirror across the room. Then we went and bought some groceries to cook out friends. We ended up falling asleep for quite a while, I didnt realize I was so tired! We woke up at 10 to cook some dinner but nobody else had any. I booked a hostel in Belgium though. During my nap I had a dream that my parents came to visit me and surprised me. At first I was excited but then they started taking control of everything and said that they were staying with me for 6 days, which is really alot. It really made me think about going home. My parents wanted me to cut some time off my trip, prefferably 3 weeks, but we comprimised with 2 weeks. Just this change in plans has me thinking about how different things are going to be and what I am and am not looking forward to. . I am looking forward to seeing my family and telling them stories. I am definitely looking forward to seeing Tyler. I am looking forward to Taco Bell and all the small things I miss about home. Im looking forward to graduation and the beginning of a new stage of my life. Im looking forward to the summer and all the good times I will have. Im looking forward to making my own money-hopefully doing something I love. I hope that when I go home things are different with my parents. I hope they realize the full extent of the situations this trip has brought up and respect how far I've come and what I've accomplished on my own. I hope my freedom does not fade or disapear. I couldn't handle that. I'm in love with the way I feel on this trip. I realize that I will be under their roof again but I should still be able to respect them while doing what I want. Life is about balance. oh man, I can't wait for London!

Written April 9th(Catching up)

I have some catching up to do. my last night was really nice and Hans even made some homemade pizza for us. i woke up pretty early though to get ready for lenny(April 11th 2009) I was so excited the night before that I could barely sleep. When he picked me up his parents came with him-they were so sweet! His dad looked just like him=) it really made me think about how much i look like my mom and how my relatives kept calling me Rita. It's just really interesting to think about the similarities and differences. There wasnt much talking in the car and most of it was German. It was weird to be in lenny's world when I was so used to him geing in mine. Car silence can be aweful and incredibly uncomfortable but I definitely think theres something to be said about when nothing needs to be said and theres a really comfortable relaxed silence. That sort of silence can be quiet rare. I had my first meal from a german McDonalds that day. They made such a big deal out of it, it was cute. As soon as we got to Lenny's amazingly adorable flat we had to go pick up christine-which ended up being so complicated and we wandered around the airport for an hour until we found her. I was so happy at first to have a girl friend to talk to. We had a cute little dinner at his house before we got ready to go over to his friends house before his schools dance. In the end i fell down some stairs and got the worst bruises of my life. the next day we woke up and went into the city. We saw some shops, got smoothies, and walked around the parks. Chelsea flew in that night and I couldnt wait! We picked her up from the airport and went to lenny's house to eat a lovely German dinner and plan our Amsterdam trip. Chels and i got a giant pizza and curled up in our hotel room to watch some German TV while dying my hair. in the morning we grabbed a few things from the grocery store and had breakfast in the park. We tried to find town and got really super lost but figured it out in the end. Once we all met up we found this nice spot by a creek and relaxed and talked for awhile until we had to go back to lenny's for a BBQ. That night the 3 of us girls met some boys and TRIED to talk for alittle bit. We got pizza again and fell asleep real fast which was good because our train left for Amsterdam at 6:20ish in the morning. We brought so many grocerys with us and ended up eating most of them on the train. Lenny was a bit out of it and was acting so silly. Once we got to Amsterdam it was so cold and rainy and gross and we had so much trouble finding our campsite. The guy at reception talked about wine and he was so funny. then we hung out and relaxed in our cabin and i ate about half a gallon of delicious "American" peanut butter. We got some coffee and decided to ride a giant ferris wheel and just at the perfect time too! The sun was just about to set and everything was golden and we could see the whole skyline! It was pure inspiration=) Then we played with the birds in the park. I just wanted to hold one! All the asians got birds, why couldnt I?! We bought a bunch of grocerys because I was really set on making mashed potatoes. So thats what I did. We had some fruit with our potatoes as well. They were super good. Then we went back to the room and hung out. Chelsea and I had a really great conversation about socks and hooks.
The next morning we woke up around 11. Lenny and Chels bought shower tokens for us. We all showered and Chelsea, Lenny, and I made brunch. We made fried eggs, this meat that kind of looked like bacon, and toast. When we cracked open the first egg there was a double yolk-CRAZY. The third egg had a feather on the outside of it! Then we went into town and throughout the day I got waffles, fries, and everything else that I wanted. We went into some shops and I got the patches that I wanted and then we actually found a piercer. Chels got her nose pierced first and then I got my snug done, and the lady kept dropping the ball in my ear-I was so grumpy! We went and played with the birds again. Lenny and I ended up going to 2 different McDonalds and we waited at the bus stop FOREVER. I was cold and fell asleep but finally the bus came and it was 2:30 in the morning but the bus was so full they got a special one to go straight to our campsite. We all were so increibly tired we fell asleep so fast. (In the beginning of this trip my journal was all I had, it was my best friend and the only one I could "talk" to. Especially since it was way better than talking to myself in my head. Thats definitely why I wrote so much. Now I think I'm a bit more independant and I'm with people I know. Maybe when I feel a bit more alone..) We woke up in the morning to a lady coming in our completely trashed room saying we had 5 minutes to get out. Somehow we managed. I have never changed/cleaned so fast. We went to the bathroom and got a bit more cleaned up. Lenny decided we should get rolls from reception for breakfast. So we got some and had them on a picnic bench and relaxed until we had to catch our train. When we got to Hannover Lenny's sister picked us up. We showered and she made us dinner. Lenny had some friends over and the night was kinda crazy/funny/interesting. The next morning we slept in and Chelsea and I got ready to catch our trains. We had to change trains 3 times and our second to last train required a reservation so we had to pay 22 euros and the guy next to us hacked up a lung every 5 seconds. We were both really hungry so I bought us a super expensive ham and cheese sandwhich on the train to share. . We ended up arriving pretty late but we got there just fine. We stayed up until about 2 and then fell asleep. It was super cool to hear the church bells ringing this morning! I realized my nose stud came out and that was kinda scary but I fixed it=) We set out for the market and decided not to buy new metro tickets becuase we didnt have any change and we still had some from the night before. Figures we get caught and have to pay 28 Euros each! And this guy dragged us around forever looking for an ATM. We bought a chicken and sat on the side of the street. We got a bunch of weird looks and Chelsea screamed when a bird flew at her. Alot of women asked us for chicken and a guy asked us where we got our colas. His name was Timo and he decided to sit down next to us and eat with us. We ended up getting some drinks and talking in the park. He didnt like the light. It was silly. Then we went to a bar called Le Relax where there was a sweet raggae concert. Chelsea had to pee so bad though and the bathroom was rediculous but Timo just wanted us to dance. Finally we lied and got out of there but got super lost. Then we went to get pizza from a pizza vending machine but it wouldnt take our debit cards. We fell asleep watching a movie about the Doors=)

Written April 4th 2009

Today we went to see two castles next to each otehr. They were both really pretty. I honestly dont think I could live in a castle though. They are so emotionless and excessive. I dont even go into every room of my house on a daily basis as it is! they seem to be designed for you to never really have to go outside-which is crazy! Our tour guide was so funny. He had a voice that made me think he should be the jester. I tried a bavarian hamburger and it was really good! hans is making a pizza now, im so excited!He said that only old people here drive automatic cars. We sat around the fire last night and talked about Harold and Maude and Cat Stevens. It's kinda yucky out today for pictures. So many people had such fancy cameras today. I think that also discourages me a bit, the fact that so many people have the cameras to take the same pictures I take, and obviously the interest or else they wouldnt invest the money in such an expensive camera! Also, the only lens I brought, the one im borrowing from school, wont work very well as a macro lens-even though its a macro zoom lens AND its definitely my style to take super up close pictures. its quite frusterating! it makes this aweful noise when i try to focus and then i cant take a picture so i have to turn it off and back on!=(

April 3rd, 2009

I have holes in my socks but it doesnt even matter, In fact, I kinda like the holes. You don;t get holes in your socks from just sitting around. Dharma Bums was the perfect book for me to read here. It made everything about this place seem even more peaceful. The Buddhism in it was amazing for me while being in these mountains. My hands and feet are freezing but i dont mind because I love the sunshine and fresh air circulating with all the windows and doors open. We never really do that back home.
The feeling of freedom Ive been experiencing on this trip is like nothing Ive ever felt before., Its mixed with responsibility, which gives me a prud feeling for what I've already accomplished alone on this trip. I feel so light and floaty, genuinely happy.

April 1st

I feel that I’m cradled in these mountains and that nothing could possibly go wrong. I feel so invincible. I’m surrounded by a million moving photographs. I can’t believe I went into this with such an awful mindset that it was going to be grey and cold and windy and I wasn’t going to ever want to go outside. I couldn’t have been more wrong. We arrived here last night around seven thirty. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The view in every direction is stunning. This house is so cozy I could live here forever. Finally I am over the thought that all snowy cold places are awful. Being here is absolutely the inspiration I was looking for. This place is just what I’ve been wanting. I already know I will come back in the future, there’s no way I couldn’t return. I started reading Dharma Bums last night. What perfect timing, it talks about climbing mountains! I couldn’t fall asleep for a while last night because I was just so happy thinking about the future. I’m so excited to see Chelsea in less than a week and go on some amazing adventures. While this place is giving me the push and inspiration I need, I know Chelsea will give me the energy and enthusiasm I need as well. I also cannot wait to go to all the other countries I’m venturing to. Returning to London will be the perfect ending to my trip; I’m excited to end in the same place I started. I can’t wait to come home and share all my crazy stories and give my presentation. While graduation will be sad I know its just the beginning on another stage of my life. I cannot wait for all my summer plans and preparing for college. I’m so excited to be going to Warren Wilson!
Despite all this, I am a bit frustrated with myself. I’m beginning to realize how important it is for me to be alone or with someone I am extremely comfortable with while I’m doing some serious photography. I can’t have any awkwardness, feel any pressure, or feel rushed if I’m to really take some spectacular pictures. My dad made the comment that most of my pictures so far don’t look like I’m really trying. I was really frustrated at the time he said this because I was already losing confidence and that just seemed to be the cherry on top. However it means he knows I have more potential; he’s seen my photography. I was thinking about it and its because most of the time I’ve been with someone else. Chelsea’s about the only one I will be with on this trip that I will feel totally comfortable taking pictures around. When I’m with other people I just feel like I’m being annoying and taking up their time or something along those lines. I can’t really explain it. I just need my mind clear of worrying what other people around me are thinking while I’m taking pictures. Anke showed me old pictures of my parents at this spot today; it really made me smile to see my dad with his camera around his neck in most of them. It’s the same camera that I now use.
Today we went to a palace in the mountains with this man made cave by it that was used for a theatre. I almost started laughing on the English tour because our guide seemed like such an emotionless robot. It was really nice to have a tour in English though! I also got some Pinnochio ice cream that was delicious! I love just driving around out here. My thoughts seem to come so much clearer. Hans decided to go to this little shop to get my mom a gift. ..... The man’s happiness rubbed off on me. I love people that are passionate about their work.
Random thought: It’s so weird to me to see little kids speaking German. In my mind since it is challenging for me to learn and since I can’t speak it and I am 18 in a way I feel that it should be too difficult for them to learn/speak. When I stop and think though, its simple. They have just been raised to speak German, chances are they can’t speak English!

The rest of Nurnberg

(Written March 30th)
I find it funny that was the last thing I said (I’ll explain later about yesterday). Well the day after we went to the castle we were planning on going to a neighboring town but it was too late and the weather wasn’t too fabulous so we decided to go to the zoo. I was really impressed at how close they let you get to all the animals. I also noticed there weren’t any coins in any of the ponds either; it was really nice. While the weather wasn’t too lovely I hadn’t been to the zoo in a while and it was really nice. It kind of re-instilled respect for all the animals I saw. Eating here is so funny. I’m so extremely more open to trying new food and if I get something I’m not too fond of I eat it anyway. I think of it as a bit of a challenge, like “just do it”. I’ve even eaten salad a few times! I need to start having this attitude towards food at home. It’s so different here because I don’t have the option of staying in my comfort zone and cooking for myself. I’ll try to be more open-minded this summer. The day after we went to the zoo we decided to go to the Scottish Festival. I really enjoyed watching the step dancing-and all the kilts were so great! I loved the culture of it all. It kind of made me wish I spent more time in Scotland, but I have to stop thinking like that. I know I will come back and it will be lovely and I’ll be able to explore more. I had some delicious fish and chips though! I started wearing my back brace again. I think I’m re-breaking it or whatever, its not good at all. Yesterday we went to the market because I really needed a coat as well as various other things. At first I figured this would be no big deal and that I could just figure it out on my own and go into town alone. However, this town confuses me more than anywhere I’ve ever been, it’s crazy! Anyway, Brigitta ended up coming into town with me and she said she was just going to wait at the coffee shop for me. I started off in a hurry because I didn’t want her to be waiting forever. I started out by getting lost and ending up on the edge of the townby the wall. I was so happy to finally make it back to the shops but then I couldn’t find a coat and I couldn’t find the coffee shop. I ended up walking around in circles for 2 hours. Turns out there are 2 churches and I was by the wrong one. I ended u finding the coffee shop and having some delicious chocolate cake. Anke even helped me find a coat! I was in such a good mood when we got home I organized all my stuff and spent some time on my own (which was much needed) and I painted my nails and tried to get the dumb dreads out of my hair-and failed. Nevertheless, it was really nice. Today we went to the bookstore because I was really concerned that I was going to run out of English books so I bought Naked lunch. I remember reading Junky on the plane on the way to Cali. It was super sunny out today so we walked for a while and took the bus to a lake by this place where Nazis used to assemble. The lake was really relaxing though and we spent some time on the patio of a nice fancy café. We had American food for dinner; it was really exciting! I found out someone that I knew in London that I wasn’t too sure about got arrested a few days ago for thievery. They even found a bunch of passports in his bag. I’m thinking he had my lomo camera too. That would be nice if I could get a hold of that. Ha, I liked my old passport picture much better anyway. I talked (kind of) to my parents about going back to London. Nick says he’s getting a flat or something like that. I’m also starting to plan my time with Chelsea. Couch Surfing seems like such a good way to meet people and save money. I don’t know why I wouldn’t do it. I could save money for London! Tomorrow we leave at 3, it’s going to be so cold! I’m really looking forward to, well, the rest of my life right now. There’s so much I’m looking forward to and nothing I’m dreading-right now. I hope it stays like that!

Nurnberg March 26th

I had this really strong dream last night that I had a dog that looked like an old stuffed animal of mine; and that it kept talking about reindeers. Strange. I want to make this a dream journal as well. Today we went to the Nurnberg castle. It started off being pretty nice outside but ended up raining freezing rain again. We took a German tour of the castle, which was really interesting. This language barrier is so weird, I kind of feel deaf. I can hear people talking but it doesn’t matter or register because my mind can’t process it. I got some yummy tortellini for lunch though. I’ve had to give up on being a vegetarian over here or else I would have even more trouble ordering food. It was really nice hearing from Rick today. Maybe if I watch enough soap operas over here I will learn German! Although a lot of people have said they’ve learned English from our music I can’t imagine doing that with any other language. I’m losing confidence in my photography skills. I just feel like anyone can take the pictures that I have. OH. Concept from Scotland: You have to become lost to know where you are.

Kerouac in the Sunshine

My Summer To-Do List:

• Sims 3.Play it. Love it.
• Camp out every night.
• Watch thunderstorms from garages.
• Get one of my photos in/on something significant.
• Get the microdermal piercing I want.
• Play mud volleyball.
• Get a wavy perm.
• CHALK. in a parking garage.
• Increase my hemp skills.
• Read all Kerouac books.
• Make tea in the sun.
• Body paint.
• Paint fight?
• Take a ceramics class.
• Go to open studios.
• Go clubbing.
• Go to Canada.
• Picnics.Everywhere.
• Volunteer on a farm.
• Horseback ride.ALOT.
• Backpack. Somewhere. Anywhere.
• (Start) to learn another language.
• Be vegan for a week.
• Fast. Sometime.
• Kayak. Definitely at Mohican.
  
• Take my sister on a trip.
• Edit all worth-while Europe pics.
• Learn names of Ohio flowers and trees.
• Make Sassafrass Tea.
• Learn guitar.At least a little.
• Revive my violin skills.
• Get my license!
• AND a car!
• Revive old friendships.
• Go to Yellow Springs Street Fair.
• Go to Acorn.
• Bonfires.Always.
• Go barefoot. Always.
• Comfest.Everyday. All day.
• Keep a journal.
• Pay back my parents.
• Wake up with the sunrise-as much as possible.
• Stock up on henna.
• Make money doing something I love.
• Never use an umbrella.
• Camera adventures.
• Go someplace new at least once a week.
• Go to concerts of bands I've never heard of.
  
• Make a photography inspiration book.
• Make a Europe scrapbook.
• Go to Burning Man.
• Go to Put-In Bay.
• Couch Surf.
• Watch a meteor shower. Camping or on a rooftop.
• Go to Mammoth Cave.
• Learn to skateboard.
• Tye dye A BUNCH.
• Take a cake decorating class.
• Go to Gallery Hop.
• Get a fisheye or lens baby lens and use it. Bunches.
• Take a Yoga Class.
• Meditate with the sunset.
• Be a Freegan!
• (Dumpster Dive).
• Improve my stick driving skills=P
• Learn mixology.
• Plant a garden.
• Take kick ass photos for my portfolio at Roharik Productions=)
  

Random Thoughts

Privacy and ownership are two rarities on this trip. A certain level of comfort comes with a places that you or your family owns. For example, I feel I am comfortable to do as I please in my house. However, I am staying at hostels and flats owned by other people on this trip. I cannot simply move things around or blast music. I have to constantly be aware of the people around me. While I love being out of this comfort zone it can be difficult to take after a while. Already i am yearning for just a few days in a private room of a hostel. Somewhere I can let my gaurd down-and maybe even have my own bathroom! This would be nice just every once in a while. Time spent alone and away from everyone is also something I am really beginning to treasure. As strange as it sounds I'm really beginning to enjoy showers since it is one of the only times I can be guarunteed that I will be alone. It's really lovely just to be able to relax and do something entirely rountine.

Nurnberg 27/3

Today we went to the zoo. It was cold but I haven't been to the zoo in a while so it was really nice. There wasn't that many people there either. While the Columbus zoo is much larger I felt that this zoo let you get much more up close. Oftentimes there was a single fence between you and the animals and if you really wanted to you could have reached out and touched them. People here must be much more respectful and smart when it comes to this sort of thing. Such as the ponds; most ponds in zoos back home are full of coins people have tossed in. Even though there wasn't much of a wall there was no coins in the ponds here! Even really small things like this make me like Europe even more.

Eating meals/sitting at the table with my relatives is so weird here. While I'm really not alone I feel like it. They talk in German and I just sit there. I'm not annoyed, it's just that I don't know how to look or seem engaged when theres really now ay I am. I'm always so worried about offending people.

Nurnberg 25/3

I'm beginning to ignore people, not on purpose really or in any mean way. Since I don't understand a word anyone is saying and practically nobody speaks english regularly, I just tune out a lot. I've been paying a great deal more attention to my surroundings and the details of everything. I think a great deal more here. When your ind is not subconsciously listening in on conversations I have found it focuses on other things. I kind of like it better this way. I think I'm much more of a visual person anyway. However, I have found that I definitely understand a person's personality mostly through linguistics; i think we all do for the most part. Here it is more difficult when everyone's speaking a language I don't know. I feel that one must have a really strong personality to get across what they are like to someone who doesn't speak the same language.

Nurnberg 24/3

Goodness today seemed to be bad luck. I just can't shake it. I got on the train and everything seemed just fine. However, the train stations here are not always named after the places they are located at so it can be a bit difficult. Anyway, I ended up missing my stop and having to backtrack. But in the rush i seemed to have forgotten my coat on the train-and it's snowing! I was really hard on myself, which seems to be a general trend on this trip, and I sort of broke down on the train. I ended up getting to where I needed to be however i couldn't find the person i needed to meet (my German relative) and my phone refused to call her. However, at the last second i found her and we were on our way to her flat. We then decided to go out to dinner at an Asian restaurant, which luckily had a buffet (i was really intimidated by ordering off a German menu!). I really want to live in Europe, I think absolutely everything is much, much more convenient. Also, the overall attitude of everyone is so much better and much more optimistic than in the states. I feel like I fit in a great deal better. I would love to have a job at a hostel, at least for a little bit. I'm beginning to think I really wouldn't mind just traveling every few months and doing whatever job is available. It doesn't seem nearly as difficult here as it might be in the states.

Random Thoughts

Being in a country that doesn't speak English-well, doesn't have it on all their signs and information can be really tricky. I've wondered what it was like to not know a language, such as before you learned to read as a child. This is exactly how I feel here. I can look at a sign and study it all I want but there's no way I can read it. It's just interesting because when you can read and you look at a sign or something your mind automatically reads it, you can't help it. Here I focus on other things such as the scenery a bit more because my mind's not focused on subconsciously reading.

I will probably get my license around the time I get back home. i know this is a little late considering I'm already 18 bt it really makes me reflect on all the good and bad times I've had in the car with my parents. All these experiences would have never happened if my family lived in London and didn't own a car but took the subway instead. The privacy of your car is entirely different that the lack of privacy of a subway, and anyone is prone to being a bit more emotional in the privacy of a car. I was just thinking about how, or if, a family's relationships in London are different that that of ours at home due to the use of a subway instead of a car.

Munich Day 1-SICK

This was the first time I had gone anywhere without already booking a hostel. And of all places, the first country I've gone to that doesn't speak english! I absolutely hate wandering around with so much stuff to carry. I took the underground just fine though, although I did miss my stop and had to go back. Eventually I found a place to stay but I was out of money so I had to be really careful getting dinner. On the plane flying in I felt so awful and tired. I really wished I had someone waiting for me in Munich, anyone. Leaving London really made me lonely. I keep thinking about clink and all the people I left behind there. I'm really considering staying a few nights at the end of my trip. I miss everything about it there way to much to not go back for such a long time. I woke up this morning and felt so sick. I couldn't breathe through my nose and it was incredibly painful just to swallow. I'm still not feeling too great and although I just started to make friends, I'm pretty sure I'm going to leave for Nurmberg tomorrow to visit relatives. Since I don't know German at all, being here has made me a bit more introverted.

Money and Security

Right now I have ten pounds to my name, that's definitely not good. I don't even have a bed to sleep in; I'm so worried. I always talk about how dumb money is and how we don't really need it. However, up until now I've never really experienced not having the money for basic needs; it scares me a little. I mean maybe if i felt a little bit more comfortable here I could figure something out and be a bit more resourceful. Currently I'm helplessly waiting in a McDonald's for my money to transfer. My last resort would be having my friend sneak me into clink. I don't know how well that would go though. Besides, I'd really like a drink. Sometimes I really wish I had a friend from back home here so I could just calm down. Everyone says I;m always so chill here. Well, half the time I'm freaking out on the inside, I just don't show it. I really hope this money situation gets straightened out!

Scotland Reflection

The train ride to Scotland was gorgeous (even if i was asleep half the time). There really were rolling bright green grassy hills-with sheep! I had never really seen images of a city setting in Scotland so I was surprised when I saw Edinburgh. It looked and seemed like London except instead of a trendy "rocker" style everyone had a really chill hippy style. All the buildings looked much older too but I REALLY liked it. The contrast between the busy modern city set in these old buildings was lovely. I had a great deal of trouble finding my hostel though, I went to the wrong one at first and then I couldn't figure out what bus I needed to take so I took a taxi. Everyone I met at Argyle Backpackers was really kind and genuinely cared for each other. It was the complete opposite of clink, although I absolutely fell in love with clink. Scotland seemed to bring me a great deal of bad luck though and I spent most of my time trying to straighten out my passport and visa situation. I cooked 6 people breakfast burritos for dinner on my last night. Walking around Scotland everything felt so fresh. The air was so nice; I couldn't get enough! Despite the cold there were daffodils EVERYWHERE! The castle fascinated me, I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped when I saw it. I even saw people in kilts! I kind of wish I had more time to explore since I didn't get to see much of the country side, none actually, except the train ride. However, things needed to be taken care of and I missed London so much anyway! 

Language

Staying in hostels with many diverse interesting people has taught me a great deal already. One of the most interesting things I have found is language. I had the impression that English was quite a popular language but that I would still have a great deal of difficulty with communication. Turns out English is extremely universal. Everyone uses english to talk to each other, unless all members of the conversation are from the same place. Everyone seems interested in bettering their english. They don't get frustrated with it.

I am frustrated with myself though. I wish i knew another language enough so I wasnt embarassed to try. I can only speak english which is something everyone understands. I cant have secret conversations with other people like the dutch boys in my room. I think that would be really amazing.

Everyone talks about how certain languages sound ugly. I think they all sound so beautiful. 

Im starting to think with a British accent. Lovely.

Alone

Being alone is so different here. It creates barriers and situations I could have never expected. I feel alone too. Eating at a restaurant, sitting at the bar, Im the only one who doesnt have someone always with them; someone to talk to. I have to motivate myself to do everything. I have to take care of myself. I have to make mistakes and learn form them. i have to realize what's best for me, whether I like it or not.

Everyone always asks me If im traveling alone. I get called brave. I've never really thought of myself as brave, at all. I guess it just means this jump, this risk taking, this trip for me, is really worthwhile.

Test of Trust

Right now I am supervising a shoot. I was terrified. I was so worried this was going to turn out aweful and I wouldn't know anything. Basically, I'm the only one here from Roharik.
This has gone so soo good.
I couldn't beleive Matt put this much trust in me on the last night I'm working here. We had a meeting tonight about how we think the Internship has gone.
to be continued..

Written Feb. 22nd

Today I got hiking shoes for my trip. I went to dance practice and it turned out to be really positive and we got a ton accomplished, it was amazing! It's amazing how much a positive attitude going into somethign makes it so much better.
I finally booked my flight. I leave on the 11th of March! Everything just hit me. Up to this point all my planning has been really surreal and I didnt even realize it up until now. This is actually happening. Im so exited, alittle intimidated, but this will be so good for me! I cant wait to absorb everything around me! I want out of my little Ohio bubble so bad!

Written Feb. 21st

Today I had dance. We had to perform our senior dance and it was aweful. I was really concerned that sundays practice would be really tense. Im beginning to get less stressed, just a small amout though. When I'm this stressed I cant stand to just sit aroudn my house and relaz and do nothing, especially with such a huge list of stuff I need to do.
Im really concerned about money. I really hope applying to the experience fund will help.
Writing journal entries on weekends is really difficult.

Written Feb. 20th

Oh my goodness. Im so stressed I think its making me physically sick. I did not feel good when I woke up and at seminar I just began to feel progressivelyt worse. Then my mom and Liz had a meeting. I feel like people are shooting down my walkabout. Even if im wrong in trying to do so much stuff, and I understand linworth needs an initial plan, I can always change my mind when I get there. As far as safety is concerned..Linworth has sent people to Haiti. As long as I have a cell phone and everyone knows where I am all the time and I pay attention to what's going on around me, I think I'll be fine.
I had a bit of a breakdown today. I wasn't feeling well and missed the coolest shoot ever at the studio. However I did get some stuff that needed to be accomplished done after I woke up from a nice logn nap and once I was feeling alittle better.

Written Feb. 19th

I wore a new dress today and i felt so good all day. I was super excited for all our reps to come see the studio. Everyday seems to be another confirmation of how well I work with clients, and I love working with them too! I also love coming into the staudio in the morning and blasting music while I clean alone. It's a really good way to start the day. Im actually starting to look forward to cleaning.
Matt sent me a text tonight about how much he appreciates my hard work and time. It was super sweet and such good encouragement since I hate when I feel that I'm doing things wrong.
I like changing things up. Switching the tsudio furniture around was super great today! I really like the change of sorroundings(or the illusion of a change).

Written Feb. 18th

IM SO STRESSED!!! So for today's journal I'm going to write a list of everything that's stressing me out/ things that I need to do.
-Join AAA(buy eurorail pass+travel money card)
-Book RCI condos for Europe Trip
-Dance(is consuming my time!!)
-Buy camera equipment(amongst other things) for Europe
-Catch up on Journals
-Trying to keep up with friends
-Not being able to drive is AWEFUL
-..so is not having any money
-Chelsea not being here
-Cleaning my room(WHEN?!)
-Applying to Warren Wilson
-My hair..is turning into dreads.Bleh.

Written Feb. 11

I realized again today the importance of always having my camera on me. It's been seeming like a hassle lately, especially since the winter doesn't really inspire me too often. However, today I saw a double full arched, super clear rainbow! And I didn't have my camera!

Note to Self: Glue my camera to my body as to not be constantly frusterated.

Written Feb. 10

Today I promoted again. I was talking to this kid and he got super duper pissed that I asked him to be a rep. He was threatening us and everything. I feel like if he really knew me in person he wouldn't have been such a jerk. People are so much more comfortable being mean when they arent face to face.I mean, I was just trying to do my job, that's all. This made me realize I'm guilty of the same thingjust very rarely and definitely not to the same degree. However, these people that society is mean to are only doing their jobs, or acting how they've been raised. Society should be a little more forgiving, I think we could all benefit.

Written Feb. 9

Today I tried to get some cleaning done. I'm really beginning to think that I'm just a naturally messy person. However, I know where everything is in my head but when my stuff is organized I can't find anything. I do have an aweful lot of stuff though.
Is messy genetic? My parents have aweful organization skills as well which makes me wonder if it's just because I've been raised in this environment or if it's slightly genetic. Scientists seem to be discovering more and more things as having a genetic disposition.
I should google this.

Written Feb. 8

Today was our dance team competition that consumed my time and energy. Dance performances and competitions are the only days out of the year I really prepare for in advance. Im proud to dance at CDA and have such an amazing teacher. I love being part of her artwork.
After the competition I raced over to a family friend's house to go ghost hunting. He's a professional photographer so I leanred a ton about night time photography. I need to go back to really old graveyards to take pics, I really like the "old, dead" look. Paul was really cool and inspiring to work with. He gives me a lot of encouragement that I have real photograohy talent, which is nice because I question myself sometimes. However, theres no doubt I love taking picturs and in the end thats all that matters.

Written Feb. 7

Today I got accepted to Green Mountain College! HOORAY!! I'm really excited because even though it's not my first choice (Green Mtn. and Hobart and William Smith are in a tie for second) it's really nice to know I'm just going to college in general! Especially since this is my first acceptance. Hopefully since they are similar to Warren Wilson they will like me too.
Tonight I went on a date with my Mom since my friends ditched me. It was nice and relaxing though. I'm beginning to realize that I may becoming closer to my family (at times). Since otehr people I would normally spend all my time with are off doing exciting things. Plus, the fact that my mom and I carpool helps us get along.

Written Feb. 6

Seminar was way cool today. I like being able to see everyone and hear what they are doing. Im really glad my Walkabout is so chill. I went to the piercers tonight. Piercings are like a craving. However, I'm starting to realize the importance of prioratizing with money and its no fun. I compare everything to how much a night at a hostel would cost. No matter how much self-control saving up for this trip takes, I know I need this. I was kind of a compulsive shopper before. I even applied to another job today at the Mellow Mushroom. I really want this job; I'd actually look forward to going to work, which would be SO nice.

Written Feb. 5

Sitting again today. I decided I definitely want to work for myself. I like how chill the environment is at the studio. Ryan brought his dog in today. Rick even talked about how most people will work for themselves in whistle. I like having my own way of doing things.
Im really scared. Im beginning to realize just how much I need to learn(specifically in the world of photography) and I am completely and totally overwhelmed, especially since im not going to an art school even though I want to be a photographer. I guess I'll just teach myself and learn from experience. Its just that I want to know everything. Now.
..Which makes me think.. however unfortunate it may be in the long run..maybe in the future we'll have pills you can take for instant knowledge.

Written Feb. 4

Today was a day at home. However, things were really strained. Everything is so stressful for everyone in my family. My parents have been getting really upset with my sister. Its interesting to see her make the same mistakes I did, but if i try to warn her or tell her what to do(suggest) she just gets deffensive. I can see why parenting would be so hard.
WHile Linowrth has prepared me to a degree about how to use free time productively days like this are still hard. EVeryone else is at school and I find myself sleeping in most of the time. However, I did do some Europe trip research. Im beginnign to find it's much easier to motivate yourself when the outcome involves you.

Written Feb 3

Oh my goodness. I can't remember the last time I sat in the same spot for 7 hours straight. While I wouldn't mind an office job in some respects, I have got to move and be outside. However, I looked at it as just one more challenge that will push my endurance and make me that much stronger in the long run-yes, even a simple task like staying still and focusing on my work even though my leg was twitching and my butt was beyond numb.
People don't eat here. I feel dumb sneaking snacks. 8 hours without food is definitely not something I'm used to. I guess when youre passionate about something basic needs can wait. Not to say I donot love it her-I DO! Im not really used to being so hungry though..