Random Thoughts

Being in a country that doesn't speak English-well, doesn't have it on all their signs and information can be really tricky. I've wondered what it was like to not know a language, such as before you learned to read as a child. This is exactly how I feel here. I can look at a sign and study it all I want but there's no way I can read it. It's just interesting because when you can read and you look at a sign or something your mind automatically reads it, you can't help it. Here I focus on other things such as the scenery a bit more because my mind's not focused on subconsciously reading.

I will probably get my license around the time I get back home. i know this is a little late considering I'm already 18 bt it really makes me reflect on all the good and bad times I've had in the car with my parents. All these experiences would have never happened if my family lived in London and didn't own a car but took the subway instead. The privacy of your car is entirely different that the lack of privacy of a subway, and anyone is prone to being a bit more emotional in the privacy of a car. I was just thinking about how, or if, a family's relationships in London are different that that of ours at home due to the use of a subway instead of a car.

Munich Day 1-SICK

This was the first time I had gone anywhere without already booking a hostel. And of all places, the first country I've gone to that doesn't speak english! I absolutely hate wandering around with so much stuff to carry. I took the underground just fine though, although I did miss my stop and had to go back. Eventually I found a place to stay but I was out of money so I had to be really careful getting dinner. On the plane flying in I felt so awful and tired. I really wished I had someone waiting for me in Munich, anyone. Leaving London really made me lonely. I keep thinking about clink and all the people I left behind there. I'm really considering staying a few nights at the end of my trip. I miss everything about it there way to much to not go back for such a long time. I woke up this morning and felt so sick. I couldn't breathe through my nose and it was incredibly painful just to swallow. I'm still not feeling too great and although I just started to make friends, I'm pretty sure I'm going to leave for Nurmberg tomorrow to visit relatives. Since I don't know German at all, being here has made me a bit more introverted.

Money and Security

Right now I have ten pounds to my name, that's definitely not good. I don't even have a bed to sleep in; I'm so worried. I always talk about how dumb money is and how we don't really need it. However, up until now I've never really experienced not having the money for basic needs; it scares me a little. I mean maybe if i felt a little bit more comfortable here I could figure something out and be a bit more resourceful. Currently I'm helplessly waiting in a McDonald's for my money to transfer. My last resort would be having my friend sneak me into clink. I don't know how well that would go though. Besides, I'd really like a drink. Sometimes I really wish I had a friend from back home here so I could just calm down. Everyone says I;m always so chill here. Well, half the time I'm freaking out on the inside, I just don't show it. I really hope this money situation gets straightened out!

Scotland Reflection

The train ride to Scotland was gorgeous (even if i was asleep half the time). There really were rolling bright green grassy hills-with sheep! I had never really seen images of a city setting in Scotland so I was surprised when I saw Edinburgh. It looked and seemed like London except instead of a trendy "rocker" style everyone had a really chill hippy style. All the buildings looked much older too but I REALLY liked it. The contrast between the busy modern city set in these old buildings was lovely. I had a great deal of trouble finding my hostel though, I went to the wrong one at first and then I couldn't figure out what bus I needed to take so I took a taxi. Everyone I met at Argyle Backpackers was really kind and genuinely cared for each other. It was the complete opposite of clink, although I absolutely fell in love with clink. Scotland seemed to bring me a great deal of bad luck though and I spent most of my time trying to straighten out my passport and visa situation. I cooked 6 people breakfast burritos for dinner on my last night. Walking around Scotland everything felt so fresh. The air was so nice; I couldn't get enough! Despite the cold there were daffodils EVERYWHERE! The castle fascinated me, I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped when I saw it. I even saw people in kilts! I kind of wish I had more time to explore since I didn't get to see much of the country side, none actually, except the train ride. However, things needed to be taken care of and I missed London so much anyway! 

Language

Staying in hostels with many diverse interesting people has taught me a great deal already. One of the most interesting things I have found is language. I had the impression that English was quite a popular language but that I would still have a great deal of difficulty with communication. Turns out English is extremely universal. Everyone uses english to talk to each other, unless all members of the conversation are from the same place. Everyone seems interested in bettering their english. They don't get frustrated with it.

I am frustrated with myself though. I wish i knew another language enough so I wasnt embarassed to try. I can only speak english which is something everyone understands. I cant have secret conversations with other people like the dutch boys in my room. I think that would be really amazing.

Everyone talks about how certain languages sound ugly. I think they all sound so beautiful. 

Im starting to think with a British accent. Lovely.

Alone

Being alone is so different here. It creates barriers and situations I could have never expected. I feel alone too. Eating at a restaurant, sitting at the bar, Im the only one who doesnt have someone always with them; someone to talk to. I have to motivate myself to do everything. I have to take care of myself. I have to make mistakes and learn form them. i have to realize what's best for me, whether I like it or not.

Everyone always asks me If im traveling alone. I get called brave. I've never really thought of myself as brave, at all. I guess it just means this jump, this risk taking, this trip for me, is really worthwhile.

Test of Trust

Right now I am supervising a shoot. I was terrified. I was so worried this was going to turn out aweful and I wouldn't know anything. Basically, I'm the only one here from Roharik.
This has gone so soo good.
I couldn't beleive Matt put this much trust in me on the last night I'm working here. We had a meeting tonight about how we think the Internship has gone.
to be continued..